finding joy

I made this painting shortly after losing my maternal grandmother. Her death left me thinking about the ways we remember the people we love and the parts of them that remain with us after they are gone.

Her passing also pushed me back toward experimentation. I had spent so much time making work from a place of heaviness and responsibility that I needed to remember what it felt like to simply play. I began giving myself permission to make things without knowing exactly where they were going.

I wanted to experience the world through my grandmother’s eyes. to look at ordinary things with curiosity, wonder, and a sense of possibility. I started using whatever I could find around the house: yarn, glitter, scraps, textures, and objects that might normally be overlooked. These materials became a way of reconnecting with a more playful and uninhibited part of myself.

The process was less about creating something perfect and more about allowing myself to experiment again. The messiness, color, and unexpected combinations became part of the work because they reflected the emotional space I was in. I was grieving, but I was also discovering that grief and joy could exist at the same time.

In that sense, this painting became a way of carrying my grandmother with me. Rather than focusing only on the loss, I wanted to hold onto the sense of curiosity and play that I associate with seeing the world through her eyes. Making the work allowed me to grieve while also giving myself permission to have fun again.